Lately I've been posting a lot of articles instead of just writing myself but this is what I've been feeding on lately. Today I read an article about the welsh revival that just humbled me and made me realize a taste of how beautiful and glorious and awe inspiring God is. We just need to hunger for him more than anything else, I think in the church's today we need a deeper sense of eternity and how close it is at hand. As Keith Green once said "If you don't love worshipping God on earth, you're going to be bored to tears in heaven". Or something like that, we need to get to know God, with a healthy sense of reverence and awe. Anyways, here is the story, it's just about a lady in the Hebrides revival with Duncan Campbell. For any of you saskatchewanites reading this Duncan Campbell actually later came to Saskatoon for some meetings and prophesied the revival that would come about 30 years later I believe with the sutera twins and others. Really interesting, anyways, here it is.
When God Comes Down: An Eyewitness Account of Revival
Mary Peckham: I would leave my loom and go upstairs and I would pray and travel through the whole village—every family, every home, every person and then to the ends of the earth. God had opened my eyes. I wasn’t my own anymore. I was bought with a price.
Leslie: It’s Wednesday, March 28th, and this is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Sin isn’t a very pleasant topic to think about, but recognizing sin and then grieving over it is the first step to incredible joy. We’re going to hear about some people who discovered this in a powerful way. Nancy.
Nancy Leigh DeMoss: This matter of intense searching, Holy Spirit conviction of sin is something that you read about in many of the accounts of revival history. It’s something that we’re going to hear about today as we listen to the continuation of Mary Peckham’s testimony.
I believe that this conviction of sin is an important part of the conversion process. The process of coming to true faith in Christ. Yet it’s something that we don’t often see today. I believe that when God moves in genuine revival in our day, this will be one of the marks of that revival. That people will not be making decisions for Christ in a flippant or half-hearted way, but that they will come with a desperate sense of their need to flee to Christ, to be delivered from their lost, sinful condition.
Mary Peckham was a hard-hearted teenager who had no interest in the things of God. Yet when God began to stir in the island of Lewis, off the coast of Scotland, there in the early 1950s and Mary came home to see what God was doing, she was caught up in this irresistible sense of the presence of God. She couldn’t run from it. There was a growing, intense sense of her sinful condition and her desperate need for Christ.
As we heard yesterday, Mary had actually attended what was called an inquirer’s meeting for those who were searching spiritually and wanted to know more about a personal relationship with Christ. Duncan Campbell, who was the revivalist that God used as an instrument in this revival, had prayed with each of the young people who came to that meeting.
Here’s Mary Peckham years later reflecting on that moment.
Mary: That night as the minister closed in prayer, he quoted a verse that I have already quoted to you: Isaiah 53, verse 5. Suddenly, it seemed as if I was transported from that prayer meeting to the place called Calvary, and I was there alone. “He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” And I felt healed.
Nobody needed to tell me. The Spirit of God, through His Word, witnessed with my spirit that—miracle of miracles—I was a child of God. I couldn’t go to bed that night. A crowd of us walked the shore, singing above the noise of the waves, “Now none but Christ can satisfy; none other name for me; there’s love and life and lasting joy, Lord Jesus, found in Thee."
The following day at my loom, weaving Harris Tweed of which you probably have heard, the loom was rattling away and the shuttle flying and the pattern unfolding. I was conscious that God had a pattern for my life. I felt I’m not my own. I’ve been bought with a price. “Therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Corinthians 6:20).
But again the question came, “But who am I?” All these fine young men who are being saved in the revival, they can go. They can go to the ends of the earth. They can go into the ministry and so on. But they closed the service with the psalm, again and again, Psalm 45, verse 10. “Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget thine own people, and thy father’s house.” This thundered in my inner consciousness.
It seemed as if I was being estranged even from the revival. I would leave my loom and go upstairs. I would pray and travel through the whole village—every family, every home, every person, and then to the ends of the earth. God had opened my eyes. I wasn’t my own anymore. I was bought with a price.
But the arguments continued. We traveled here and there throughout the island. Nothing was a bother. No place too far away. Sixty miles we would go in and an old lorry, clinging on in the back. Walking through the snow two or three miles, we would go to the meetings, our hearts aflame. We were filled with laughter. Our tongue was filled with singing. Hymns were being composed all over the place.
People who were almost illiterate found themselves flowing in verse after verse after verse of spiritual psalms. Glory filled the land. All the people of God were rejoicing. They could hardly contain themselves. They were so overjoyed, and yet the tears were never far away as the burden would come upon them for others.
Someone wrote from London, a young girl to her parents, “Why didn’t you tell me about Jesus? I’ve found Him here in London.” Somebody else from the island, away at sea on board ship, “Why didn’t you tell me? I fell on my knees on board the ship, and I found Christ as my Savior.” So all over, Lewis people all over the world, as they heard the news of the revival, came under conviction where they were and came to Christ. God wasn’t confined to the island. He wasn’t confined to the meetings.
I could describe to you some scenes after these meetings of young people gathering together. I remember one night a crowd of young men—strong young island men—and the meeting is over and there was a row of them sitting on a couch with their white handkerchiefs spread over their faces and their frames shaking as they sobbed and sobbed and sobbed in the presence of God.
One night as Duncan Campbell was preaching, we could hardly hear him because of the distraction of the people at the back of the house—young people who were strangers to grace and to God. There they were repenting of their sin.
I remember another night, Duncan Campbell coming into a room and there was a bed in the room. Every room was filled. The stairs in the homes were made into pews, with people sitting on the stairs all the way up and in the rooms upstairs. He had a strong voice. You could hear him up there. He comes into this room, and there were the young people, their heads in the middle of the bed, weeping. I remember Duncan Campbell standing above them and looking and shaking his head and saying, “What a beautiful nest! What a beautiful nest!” People seeking God.
I was in a meeting one night where Duncan Campbell lost his voice. Yet we followed on to the cottage meeting. At that time I was so convinced that God was calling me, but how? How could I? What could I do? I was capable of nothing as far as the work of God was concerned. He lost his voice and we thought, “Well, how is he going to preach in the cottage?” The cottage was crowded—so crowded that I was sitting on a polished table.
Duncan Campbell was in another room. I couldn’t see him. He stood to speak and he was only able to give out his text. As far as I was concerned, that was all that I needed. The text was merely, “The Master is come, and he calleth for thee” (John 11:28). He calleth for thee.
I left the island of Lewis in 1951 in September with four pounds in my pocket and the call of God in my heart to go to Bible school in Edinburgh where I was a total stranger. I knew nobody there. I sat in the boat that left Stornoway at midnight and went seven hours across the channel to Mallaig.
I had an English Bible. The revival meetings were all in Gaelic, of course. I had an English Bible that my unconverted sister had given me. I spent the night taking the pages apart so that they wouldn’t say, in the Bible school, that I didn’t read my Bible because the Bible was so new.
I got to the Bible school, and I looked at the front door. I was a country girl, remember. I looked at the front door; and I thought, “Oh, that’s so austere. No, I couldn’t go in there.” I slipped around to the kitchen door behind. The cook met me. She said, “Now who are you?”
I was carrying a big case. “I’ve come as a student.” “Okay, come in.” Then they said we must hand in our fees to the office. I went into the office, and I said to the secretary, “I’ve only got four pounds, but God has called me.” Graciously, they accepted me.
I’ll tell you about one lady who knew the voice of God. She heard that there was a girl in the college who could speak the Gaelic language and the possibility was that she might be sent to her island, the Island of Tyree. She was over 80 years of age. She was almost blind. She was living alone in a thatched cottage.
I will never forget my first encounter with that lady because she was one of those who sent fees to pay for me being in Bible college. I went up the winding path through the field to her little thatched cottage. She came out to the door. I can still see her. She’s in the Glory now. She spread out her hands, and she said, “Girls, come to my palace.” We went into her palace with its earthen floor and its tiny, little window. Dark it was in there. Now she said, “Sit down and sing, girls. Sing.”
We lived in very poor homes. Privations there were. We had very little by way of money, very little by way of food. The gales in Tyree in the wintertime were something else. We had to cling to each other sometimes going to the meetings.
I remember going in a particular church where the shutters were left on the church because the windows were broken and the draft used to come in under the doors. Some nights nobody came. We knelt for the duration of the meeting (for the hour) and prayed and prayed and prayed, on and on for seven weeks. We prayed and visited and sought to encourage people to come.
Then suddenly one Wednesday night, the church was almost filled. They came and they brought heaters. They said to us at the door, “This is the answer to your prayers.” Then, wonder of wonders, God broke through. God began to speak to them in their homes. God brought them along. God saved them.
As we moved on through the island, some notorious characters were saved. In the final mission that we held, the largest church in the island was filled to capacity. God had visited the island. Still, these converts (some of them are in the Glory and old fellows in the Glory too), and there they are witnessing. Some of them preaching and keeping the doors of the churches open and continuing a witness there in the island. Does it not give us a hunger in our hearts to see what God can do?
There was a blacksmith in Lewis named John Smith. He was very involved in the revival. In fact, before the revival he and other elders prayed right through. They took Psalm 24, “Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? Or who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who has not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive the blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation” (verses 3-5).
John Smith turns to the other elders and he said, “It’s absolute humbug for us to be praying like this unless our hands are clean and our hearts are pure.” So they united together. They confessed before God. They got right with God and prayed on.
I am so glad tonight that when I was away in the world, not interested in the things of God, there were men like these who prayed and who prayed through.
There were two old ladies. I saw them once. One was bent almost double. The other one was almost blind. They were the ones who sent for Duncan Campbell. God gave them a vision that this was the man whom God would send to preach in the island—to be a new voice, to proclaim the old truths that they knew so well.
These two ladies prayed on into the night. They sent word by one of the village girls to Duncan Campbell to come to the island. He said, “No, I’m booked up with campaign after campaign in the Isle of Skye. I’m not coming to Lewis.” He had never been to Lewis before.
The old ladies said, “Write to him again and tell him that that is what he says, but that is not what God says.” So he came. When he stepped off the boat, two elders from Barvis met him and the question they asked him was this: “Mr. Campbell, are you walking with God? Are you walking with God?”
He went to the church that night. The first meeting was hard. The next meeting happened as a spontaneous meeting because as they poured out of the church disappointed that night, one of the elders stood on the steps of the church, a headmaster; and he lifted up his hands to heaven. He wept before God. He cried to God that He would come. The congregation turned and came back into the church again. God broke through.
How glad I am that there were men and women like that in Lewis. When I was away in the world, singing at my concerts, dancing in the Highland Institute in Glasgow, not interested in any church, not noticing any church. How glad I am that there were men and women who believed God.
John Smith, on another occasion, was in a home in a little village called Arnol. It was about the midnight hour. The prayer meeting was going on. John got up and he said, “O God,” he said, “I don’t know where Duncan Campbell stands with You. I don’t know where these, my brethren, stand with you, but if I know my own heart, I am thirsty. You have said, ‘I will pour water upon him that is thirsty, and floods upon the dry ground’ (Isaiah 44:3).’” He said, “If you don’t, Lord, how can I believe You again?” The house shook. The house literally shook. They thought it was an earthquake, but it was God.
They stepped out of the house into the night. All over that community were pinpoints of light—people coming with torches, some of them carrying chairs, making for the little mission hall in the middle of village, crowding it out. It wasn’t announced. The people just came, hungry for God. “I will pour water on him that is thirsty, and floods upon the dry ground.”
How many of us are thirsty? Or are we like the Laodicean church, neither cold nor hot? “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hear My voice and open the door, I will come into him and will sup with him, and he with Me” (Revelation 3:20).
God is a great God. As Duncan Campbell used to cry out, “God, You are a covenant-keeping God.” I am here tonight to testify that God is a covenant-keeping God and that Jesus Christ is the Good Shepherd that gave His life for the sheep, the Son of Man who came to seek and to save that which is lost.
Nancy: I don’t know about you, but that story makes me just so thirsty and so longing to see God do in our day a fresh work of revival by the power of His Spirit. We’ve been listening to the testimony of Mary Peckham, a young woman who was converted as a teenager in 1950 as God moved in revival on the island of Lewis just off the coast of Scotland.
What Mary has been sharing really reflects my burden and my heart for the ministry of Revive Our Hearts. This is what we’re all about—believing God to do in our day a fresh work, sending revival to our land. Don’t you agree that we desperately need such a revival?
As I listen to those stories, I’m tempted to think, “Well, how could we ever experience that in our day? I’m just one believer. What could I possibly do that would make a difference—this kind of difference in people’s lives?”
Well, did you catch what Mary said about the influence of the praying people that God used as the feeder streams to give birth to this revival. As Mary says today, she is so thankful that when she was out in the world, not looking for God, these elderly women, these elders in her church were on their knees crying out to God for revival in the church and for the conversion of the lost.
You may be a mom at home with several toddlers. You may be home schooling your children. You may be an empty nester. You may be a widow living by yourself on a limited income. I don’t know what your season of life is, but I know whatever your season of life, it’s the time for us to get serious about praying and saying, “Lord, would you use us as women to be instruments of revival in our day?”
Ladies, I just have to tell you that I believe as we get on our knees, as we humble ourselves and cry out to God for mercy in our day, I believe that you and I may well live to see a great outpouring of God’s Spirit in our land. Who knows but that 50 years from now, there may be another Mary Peckham who’s telling her story and she’ll be saying, “I’m so glad that when I was out in the world, not interested in God, there were some moms, there were some grandmoms, there were some single women who prayed, who believed God, who cried out for revival and my life is the fruit of that.”
Leslie: Nancy Leigh DeMoss will be right back to pray. Isn’t that an appropriate response to today’s program? We heard how effective the humble prayers of a few people on the Isle of Lewis were. God will hear your prayers too.
To encourage you to pray that way, we want to give you a copy of Mary Peckham’s testimony on CD. You can have it at no charge this week. We broke Mary’s message into pieces to air on the radio; but when you ask for your free CD, you can hear Mary’s talk in its entirety, without interruption. This story will help the desire for revival to grow in your heart.
We’ll also send you a booklet called “Preparing for Revival.” It’ll help you evaluate your own heart, get right before the Lord and be ready for whatever incredible thing He wants to do in your life. We’ll send Mary Peckham’s CD and the booklet, “Preparing for Revival” at no charge when you call and ask. The toll-free number is 1-800-569-5959.
Or look for this special offer when you visit ReviveOurHearts.com. While you’re there, I hope you’ll stay and browse a while. Find out what other women think of today’s program by reading our listener blog. You can even add to it yourself. You can also find a lot of helpful resources on revival. Take a look at Nancy’s books and transcripts of past broadcasts to learn more about this important topic.
Can you imagine people sighing in church so loud that you can hear it? That’s what Mary Peckham remembers. Nancy’s going to interview her tomorrow and get an inside look at revival. Now, Nancy’s back to pray.
Nancy: Father, as I’ve heard Mary Peckham’s story again this week, my heart cries out, "O God, You are a great covenant-keeping God." My heart cries out, "O God, would you do it again? What you did back in 1950 on the island of Lewis, You can do today. You have not changed. You still have the power to draw people to Yourself, to quicken Your church, to revive Your people and to bring the conversion of the lost."
So, Lord, we join our hearts together and pray would You not revive us again, that Your people may rejoice in You and that Your name may be known throughout all the earth? For Jesus’ sake we pray it and for the sake of His great kingdom, amen.
March 28 - Bought With A Price
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Spiritual Pride - Jonathon Edwards
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=10733&forum=34&65
God led me to this sermon today when I really needed it, I think it's a very healthy sermon to think about whenever we are pretty comfortable in our progress spiritually. Be blessed.
Undiscerned Spiritual Pride
The first and worst cause of error that prevails in our day is spiritual pride. This is the main door by which the devil comes into the hearts of those who are zealous for the advancement of Christ. It is the chief inlet of smoke from the bottomless pit to darken the mind and mislead the judgment, and the main handle by which Satan takes hold of Christians to hinder a work of God. Until this disease is cured, medicines are applied in vain to heal all other diseases.
Pride is much more difficult to discern than any other corruption because, by nature, pride is a person having too high a thought of himself. Is it any surprise, then, that a person who has too high a thought of himself is unaware of it? He thinks the opinion he has of himself has just grounds and therefore is not too high. As a result, there is no other matter in which the heart is more deceitful and unsearchable. The very nature of it is to work self-confidence and drive away any suspicion of evil respecting itself.
Pride takes many forms and shapes and encompasses the heart like the layers of an onion- when you pull off one layer, there is another underneath. Therefore, we need to have the greatest watch imaginable over our hearts with respect to this matter and to cry most earnestly to the great searcher of hearts for His help. He who trusts his own heart is a fool.
Since spiritual pride in its own nature is secretive, it cannot be well discerned by immediate intuition of the thing itself. It is best identified by its fruits and effects, some of which I will mention together with the contrary fruits of Christian humility.
The spiritually proud person is full of light already and feels that he does not need instruction, so he is ready to despise the offer of it. On the other hand, the humble person is like a little child who easily receives instruction. He is cautious in his estimate of himself, sensitive as to how liable he is to go astray. If it is suggested to him that he does go astray, he is most ready to inquire into the matter.
Proud people tend to speak of other’s sins--the miserable delusion of hypocrites, the deadness of some saints with bitterness, or the opposition to holiness of many believers. Pure Christian humility, however, is silent about the sins of others or speaks of them with grief and pity. The spiritually proud person finds fault with other saints for their lack of progress in grace, while the humble Christian sees so much evil in his own heart, and is so concerned about it, that he is not apt to be very busy with other hearts. He complains most of himself and his own spiritual coldness and readily hopes that most everybody has more love and thankfulness to God than he.
Spiritually proud people often speak of almost everything they see in others in the harshest, most severe language. They frequently say of an other’s opinion, conduct, or coldness that it is from the devil or from hell. Commonly, their criticism is directed against not only wicked men but also toward true children of God and those who are their superiors. The humble, however, even when they have extraordinary discoveries of God’s glory, are overwhelmed with their own vileness and sinfulness. Their exhortations to fellow Christians are given in a loving and humble manner, and they treat others with as much humility and gentleness as Christ, who is infinitely above them, treats them.
Spiritual pride often disposes persons to act different in external appearance, to assume a different way of speaking, countenance, or behavior. However, the humble Christian, though he will be firm in his duty--going the way of heaven alone even if all the world forsake him- yet he does not delight in being different for difference’s sake. He does not try to set himself up to be viewed and observed as one distinguished, but on the contrary, is disposed to become all things to all men, to yield to others, to conform to them, and to please them in all but sin.
Proud people take great notice of opposition and injuries, and are prone to speak often about them with an air of bitterness or contempt. Christian humility, on the other hand, disposes a person to be more like his blessed Lord, who when reviled did not open His mouth but committed Himself in silence to Him who judges righteously. For the humble Christian, the more clamorous and furious the world is against him, the more silent and still he will be, unless it is in his prayer closet, and there he will not be still.
Another pattern of spiritually proud people is to behave in ways that make them the focus of others. It is natural for a person under the influence of pride to take all the respect that is paid to him. If others show a disposition to submit to him and yield in deference to him, he is open to it and freely receives it. In fact, they come to expect such treatment and to form an ill opinion of those who do not give them what they feel they deserve.
One under the influence of spiritual pride is more apt to instruct others than to ask questions. Such a person naturally puts on the airs of a master. The eminently humble Christian thinks he needs help from everybody, whereas the spiritually proud person thinks everybody needs his help. Christian humility, under a sense of others’ misery, entreats and beseeches, but spiritual pride commands and warns with authority.
As spiritual pride disposes people to assume much to themselves, so it disposes to treat others with neglect. On the contrary, pure Christian humility disposes persons to honor all men. To enter into disputes about Christianity is sometimes unseasonable, yet we ought to be very careful that we do not refuse to discourse with carnal men because we count them unworthy to be regarded. Instead, we should condescend to carnal men as Christ has condescended to us--condescended to be present with us in our unteachableness and stupidity.
God led me to this sermon today when I really needed it, I think it's a very healthy sermon to think about whenever we are pretty comfortable in our progress spiritually. Be blessed.
Undiscerned Spiritual Pride
The first and worst cause of error that prevails in our day is spiritual pride. This is the main door by which the devil comes into the hearts of those who are zealous for the advancement of Christ. It is the chief inlet of smoke from the bottomless pit to darken the mind and mislead the judgment, and the main handle by which Satan takes hold of Christians to hinder a work of God. Until this disease is cured, medicines are applied in vain to heal all other diseases.
Pride is much more difficult to discern than any other corruption because, by nature, pride is a person having too high a thought of himself. Is it any surprise, then, that a person who has too high a thought of himself is unaware of it? He thinks the opinion he has of himself has just grounds and therefore is not too high. As a result, there is no other matter in which the heart is more deceitful and unsearchable. The very nature of it is to work self-confidence and drive away any suspicion of evil respecting itself.
Pride takes many forms and shapes and encompasses the heart like the layers of an onion- when you pull off one layer, there is another underneath. Therefore, we need to have the greatest watch imaginable over our hearts with respect to this matter and to cry most earnestly to the great searcher of hearts for His help. He who trusts his own heart is a fool.
Since spiritual pride in its own nature is secretive, it cannot be well discerned by immediate intuition of the thing itself. It is best identified by its fruits and effects, some of which I will mention together with the contrary fruits of Christian humility.
The spiritually proud person is full of light already and feels that he does not need instruction, so he is ready to despise the offer of it. On the other hand, the humble person is like a little child who easily receives instruction. He is cautious in his estimate of himself, sensitive as to how liable he is to go astray. If it is suggested to him that he does go astray, he is most ready to inquire into the matter.
Proud people tend to speak of other’s sins--the miserable delusion of hypocrites, the deadness of some saints with bitterness, or the opposition to holiness of many believers. Pure Christian humility, however, is silent about the sins of others or speaks of them with grief and pity. The spiritually proud person finds fault with other saints for their lack of progress in grace, while the humble Christian sees so much evil in his own heart, and is so concerned about it, that he is not apt to be very busy with other hearts. He complains most of himself and his own spiritual coldness and readily hopes that most everybody has more love and thankfulness to God than he.
Spiritually proud people often speak of almost everything they see in others in the harshest, most severe language. They frequently say of an other’s opinion, conduct, or coldness that it is from the devil or from hell. Commonly, their criticism is directed against not only wicked men but also toward true children of God and those who are their superiors. The humble, however, even when they have extraordinary discoveries of God’s glory, are overwhelmed with their own vileness and sinfulness. Their exhortations to fellow Christians are given in a loving and humble manner, and they treat others with as much humility and gentleness as Christ, who is infinitely above them, treats them.
Spiritual pride often disposes persons to act different in external appearance, to assume a different way of speaking, countenance, or behavior. However, the humble Christian, though he will be firm in his duty--going the way of heaven alone even if all the world forsake him- yet he does not delight in being different for difference’s sake. He does not try to set himself up to be viewed and observed as one distinguished, but on the contrary, is disposed to become all things to all men, to yield to others, to conform to them, and to please them in all but sin.
Proud people take great notice of opposition and injuries, and are prone to speak often about them with an air of bitterness or contempt. Christian humility, on the other hand, disposes a person to be more like his blessed Lord, who when reviled did not open His mouth but committed Himself in silence to Him who judges righteously. For the humble Christian, the more clamorous and furious the world is against him, the more silent and still he will be, unless it is in his prayer closet, and there he will not be still.
Another pattern of spiritually proud people is to behave in ways that make them the focus of others. It is natural for a person under the influence of pride to take all the respect that is paid to him. If others show a disposition to submit to him and yield in deference to him, he is open to it and freely receives it. In fact, they come to expect such treatment and to form an ill opinion of those who do not give them what they feel they deserve.
One under the influence of spiritual pride is more apt to instruct others than to ask questions. Such a person naturally puts on the airs of a master. The eminently humble Christian thinks he needs help from everybody, whereas the spiritually proud person thinks everybody needs his help. Christian humility, under a sense of others’ misery, entreats and beseeches, but spiritual pride commands and warns with authority.
As spiritual pride disposes people to assume much to themselves, so it disposes to treat others with neglect. On the contrary, pure Christian humility disposes persons to honor all men. To enter into disputes about Christianity is sometimes unseasonable, yet we ought to be very careful that we do not refuse to discourse with carnal men because we count them unworthy to be regarded. Instead, we should condescend to carnal men as Christ has condescended to us--condescended to be present with us in our unteachableness and stupidity.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
My Break
So we had the month of April off of school and now it's almost over, just a couple of days left. It's been a good break, practically I've learned more than most months of my life. I got to share my faith more than ever before just by being around secular folk all the time. They ask me what I'm doing this year and as soon as I tell them it almost always brings up the topic of God. The most interesting response was by a guy who had just gotten out of jail a week earlier, he was in there for armed robbery and I said I'm training to become a missionary he said "f--in missionaries, I hate them. My brother was cool, until he became an f---in born again christian" Now his brother is a missionary in Thailand. It's so interesting how the world sees things so differently, his brother is helping and loving the poor and uneducated and this guy sees that as taking advantage of those who don't know any better so that they will become christians. It's a completely different mentality, I watched some people on tv talking about the movie "Jesus Camp" and it was the same thing. Because they have such a different mindset the only thing that they can see is brainwashing and indoctrination whearas it's really raising up a child in the way he should go so that when he is older he will not depart from it.
On a sidenote, thanks Steve for suggesting just working with temp labour agencies this break. I did that for the last two weeks and have had more than enough work, plus got a lot of different experiences. I guess you don't have a computer for awhile so you probably won't ever read this but if you do, I appreciate it.
I was just thinking about Christmas today, this morning I took apart a restaurant with a few guys and then tonight I worked a baguette plant. Just standing by a conveyor belt nudging baguettes for four hours making sure they don't stick to the pan gives you a lot of time to think. Jesus said a lot of things without qualifiers, like ask and you will recieve, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened and just all sorts of things (of course at other points he said "in my name, if my words remain in you and you remain in me"). But basically these are really open promises for us to present all our requests to God. It reminded me a lot of Christmas where we present all our requests to our parents. Anyways I was thinking about if I was to just "selfishly" ask for what I want from God for myself what would I ask for? Here are five things that I want from God and I think I will ask him each day for them. I was in the mood for big words when I was thinking of them
1.Indefatiguable Joy
2.Deep Humility
3.Hardcore Prayer Life
4.Indominatable Confidence aka Holy Spirit Boldness.
5. Provision.
I definitely am far from that point now but those are things that I think God would love to give and I just need to seek and recieve it and then live it out. What have your requests been lately? I better go to sleep now. Have a beautiful weekend everyone!
On a sidenote, thanks Steve for suggesting just working with temp labour agencies this break. I did that for the last two weeks and have had more than enough work, plus got a lot of different experiences. I guess you don't have a computer for awhile so you probably won't ever read this but if you do, I appreciate it.
I was just thinking about Christmas today, this morning I took apart a restaurant with a few guys and then tonight I worked a baguette plant. Just standing by a conveyor belt nudging baguettes for four hours making sure they don't stick to the pan gives you a lot of time to think. Jesus said a lot of things without qualifiers, like ask and you will recieve, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened and just all sorts of things (of course at other points he said "in my name, if my words remain in you and you remain in me"). But basically these are really open promises for us to present all our requests to God. It reminded me a lot of Christmas where we present all our requests to our parents. Anyways I was thinking about if I was to just "selfishly" ask for what I want from God for myself what would I ask for? Here are five things that I want from God and I think I will ask him each day for them. I was in the mood for big words when I was thinking of them
1.Indefatiguable Joy
2.Deep Humility
3.Hardcore Prayer Life
4.Indominatable Confidence aka Holy Spirit Boldness.
5. Provision.
I definitely am far from that point now but those are things that I think God would love to give and I just need to seek and recieve it and then live it out. What have your requests been lately? I better go to sleep now. Have a beautiful weekend everyone!
Monday, April 23, 2007
Repent!! ;)
Another good article. Things have been going well with me lately, I just started facebook and have used an inordinate amount of time on that so hopefully things will level off soon and maybe I will write a post again soon. But if you don't have time to read this whole post read the last paragraph, for some reason it really resonated with me and I just want to know Jesus and bear real fruit.
Part 1
Most of those who sin don’t start out with the notion “I think I will disobey God today.” It starts more subtly, usually with a desire. The more grievous sins that get put on the evening news started out the same way. A thought, an image, a desire that passes through the mind and catches a certain fancy. Unseen creatures that have been watching us since the beginning know what pushes our buttons. “If not this concept, then how about this one? Ahhh, there we go.” For example, a few years ago a guy raped and murdered the little girl next door to him. More than likely he didn’t start out his life with the goal of doing that. One day he got thrilled by the idea of underage sex. Then he thought about it again. And again. Then he pursued images. Then he wanted the “real thing”. Why did he do it? Because he wanted to. He didn’t start out that way, because it would have been unthinkable. But little by little, he grew to really like the idea. Every time he gave in to the fantasies, he was pushed and manipulated a little bit more by unseen enemies. Did he know it was wrong? Of course he knew it was wrong. But by then he had imagined it so many times, he probably thought she would like it as much in reality as she did in his fantasy. However, it probably didn’t turn out at all like his fantasies, and then he had to deal with the reality of what he had done. He tried to hide it by killing her and dumping her. But you can’t hide. People who love her are looking for you. You aren’t good enough to hide your tracks. (He was eventually caught).
I’ve encountered two men in the past ten years who have done things they knew were wrong, but both of whom said to me “You don’t think I’d do that, do you?” One was accused of being overly attracted to little children, and was soon convicted of molestation. The other man was just accused of going through his roommate’s belongings. Then one day I found him going through my belongings. Both wanted to keep the public face of being righteous, but both harbored motivations that were invisible until they played themselves out.
Road rage. Why on earth would someone react so strongly to being cut off in traffic that they’d run someone off the road, and then pull the driver out of the car and beat him or her senseless? Some sort of unwritten rules were violated, rules that exist only in the mind of the drivers. Pride demands that the rules be enforced to the point of death. “After all, everyone knows you shouldn’t ____.” “Everyone knows you ought to ____.” “Didn’t mean to kill him. Just sorta happened. Can’t I just put another quarter in and play again? I’m not a murderer! He deserved… Why wouldn’t he go faster?” When the unwritten rules are pronounced out loud, they seem to lose their urgency and importance. What is right (driving safely) became a shadow, and the fantasy of the unwritten rules became extremely important. The result is death.
When Judas betrayed Jesus, he probably thought, “He gets out of every sticky situation. I bet I could make some money off this talent of his.” He thought it was nothing big, certainly he didn’t think he was actually betraying the Son of God to death. He hung around to see what happened. When he saw Jesus bloodied and handcuffed, the unseen enemies removed the blinders and condemnation replaced his greed. He threw the money back to the priests, but he couldn’t undo what he had done. “It was just a simple setup. I only wanted some pocket change. I didn’t mean any harm. Oh God.” He killed himself. Jesus said it would have been better if Judas had never been born. Think about that. He never raped and murdered, but his “little” sin produced a fruit that killed the beloved of God and brought him a condemnation unlike any other.
It always starts as a desire. Maybe an image. Then a scheme. Yeah….
The root is unbelief. Or perhaps belief that there isn’t “really” anything going to happen eternally because of this. There are a couple of stories from the Bible that show how important a one-time thing can be. A man named Achan took a robe, some silver and some gold in a battle (Joshua 7). Normally, in battle this is ok, but this battle belonged to God and He said to take nothing. So taking these items was defying God, and he knew it, but he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The first verse in that chapter blames all the Israelites and God’s anger is poured out on all of them because of the one man’s sin. It seemed like a small thing, and physically speaking it was a small thing. Nobody was hurt directly by what he did, and to our eyes it is an insignificant thing. But God saw it and everyone suffered. Eventually this man and his family died for this transgression.
Another account is how Reuben, one of the sons of Israel, was attracted to his father’s concubine and slept with her (Genesis 35:22). It apparently only happened once, but Israel heard about it. He didn’t do anything to Reuben at the time, and Reuben never humbled himself to Israel to ask forgiveness. But years later, when it came time for Israel to bless his children, he told Reuben that he will “excel no more, for you went up onto your father's bed, onto my couch and defiled it.” (Genesis 49:3-4). He lost his rights as firstborn of Israel and lost the right to be in the genealogical record. (1 Chron. 5:1-3) In a very real sense, he was vaporized.
Then there is Esau, who sold his birthright for a bowl of stew. He later wanted it back and repented with tears, but the blessing was lost forever. He traded what was good for something else that felt good at the moment; a simple decision that didn’t seem like anything at the time.
Lot’s wife looked back once and died instantly. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but she stands as an example of holding onto our past as a treasure, instead of leaving it behind. One look back can destroy us. The curiosity may have been overwhelming, but the command was very simple: Don’t look back.
Annanias lied to the Holy Spirit and died on the spot. His wife soon followed him. It seemed like it would be ok to save some money, and to get a little glory by presenting it as the whole price and laying it at the feet of the apostles. But that wasn’t how God saw it, and it cost him and his wife everything.
The two sons of Aaron were killed by God for offering “strange fire”, i.e. approaching God in a way he had not approved. It seems drastic to us, but it demonstrates that God is holy and we can’t do whatever we want to in His presence.
In 1 Chronicles 13:8-10, the ark of God is being brought back to Jerusalem, but not in the manner God had prescribed. When the ark faltered on the cart carrying it, Uzzah reached out to steady it and was killed by God instantly. One simple act in the midst of a celebration of God’s victory.
These sins seem small to us, but there is no repentance once judgment has been given. And the judgment seems so drastic. But God is God, and His thoughts are not like ours and His ways are not like ours. What we esteem, He despises. What we despise, He esteems. He is right, and we are wrong. We see the tip of the iceberg and it looks like nothing to us. God sees the evil under the surface and calls it the devil. For example:
Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Matthew 16:23
“Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit...?” Acts 5:3
“When Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him.” John 13:27
Peter just thought he was being nice to Jesus when he told him not to talk about dying.
Ananias thought he was just telling a “white lie”; nobody will be hurt by it and no big deal.
Judas didn’t even realize that he was infested by the Prince of Darkness himself. Judas was an apostle of Jesus Christ the Son of God, chosen by Him to bring the good news to the world.
What do I really like? What is it that I love that God hates? What is it that I hate that God loves? Have I swept a room and kept it clean for the devil, or have I invited Jesus into every aspect of my life? I have to ask God to show me. I can’t assume, since mankind doesn’t think like He thinks. I might really like something that God hates, and it could do serious spiritual harm. Conversely, if I suddenly decide that something is wrong, I can end up doing damage to myself and to others by just hacking away at my life thinking I am going to please Him, when all the while it is fine. Just because something seems nice doesn’t make it the devil anymore than it makes it from God. Ask Him. Seek Him. If you know it is wrong, stop it.
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Part 2
Roots of sin/Denial
Temptation seems to be a manipulation of the desires and emotions. Things that would consciously seem horrible or wrong are transformed into something desirable. Even while knowing that the “thing” is bad, the person is made to feel that it is interesting, fun, right, good, and pleasurable. If you don’t feel it, it doesn’t seem real. What is truly good is made to seem pallid and uninteresting when compared with sin. Good is then more easily ignored, as if it were not even there. The imagination is given priority as though it were real. So reality is inverted when temptation is at its peak. Bad seems good, good is pushed aside. Usually, good can still be felt, but the temptation is playing off of a desire for something that we like and that makes it hard to turn away. All sin is done because the person wanted to do it. No one is forced into sin.
In the movie “Psycho”, the character Norman was horrified by the brutal slayings, but was also the one doing it. He walled it off in his mind and became a sort of Jekyll/Hyde. Most of the time he seemed fine, but under the right circumstances he became someone else. I have seen trial footage of various criminals who deny any involvement with the crime, even when videotaped committing it. I saw a woman who was convicted of child abuse after she was videotaped smacking around a little toddler. She was the boy’s babysitter. After viewing the tape at the trial, she looked at the parents and said, “I want you to know that I would never hit your child.” This kind of denial is astounding to me, but is played out in everyone to some extent. We just don’t want to believe that we could be evil, and we certainly don’t want to be punished for it. Another tape showed a man convicted of date rape of at least a dozen women. He would use a drug in their drink, take them home and abuse them. After his conviction he told the women “You are all wicked. I would never rape anyone, the very idea disgusts me.” Yet the evidence was overwhelming that he was guilty. The strange part is that he was a very popular guy and could have had “legitimate” relations with as many as he wanted. But something about the drug made things more interesting to him. He had no real reason to do this outside of fulfilling a fantasy. It was more thrilling to have something forbidden.
The Bible makes it clear that “No temptation has come upon you but what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” From this I can derive that what tempts me is also being used against most other men, and vice versa. The difference is in what we do with it. But I think it is always true that the more a man contemplates and enjoys a fantasy, the more willing he is to act on it, be that lust, murder, road rage, etc.
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Part 3
Obvious and Hidden Sin
Some people have pointed out that a preacher friend of mine has some flaws and sins that they don’t care for, and that he should repent of. I’ve been thinking about how I should respond, if I respond at all. I’m not his defender or middleman, and I am not here to excuse sin. I’ve witnessed the same things they’ve mentioned, so I know that he has a sinful nature to deal with like the rest of us. However, every person I know has an ugly sinful side that most people don’t get to see. A tapestry or needlepoint looks great on one side, but the other side that is hidden from view is a mess. Most great preachers and teachers that people honor and hold in high regard, still have to deal with their own sinfulness, and like most people they turn a blind eye to a lot of it or justify it in some way.
Conversely, my friend spends a lot of time in spiritual disciplines that we all should be doing and are not. He has spent the last quarter century ministering in a place that most of us wouldn’t consider going to, even for a visit. He once said, “Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re going to get into the water [of a raging river] with me.” Jesus spoke an analogy regarding this when he said “Why do you try to remove the speck from your brother’s eye when you have a log in your own? First remove the log, then you will be able to see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” The problem is that most of us are not aware of the log, nor do we see any reason to remove it. Some are even proud of their logs. The sin of some people is obvious, while other people keep theirs concealed pretty well. It is easy to sit back and pick out flaws, and allow the flaws to eclipse the good being done. It is easy to ridicule some one else’s work, while not working ourselves. Something that we consider a huge shocking deal may turn out to be a speck in his eye, while our willingness to condemn and take life easy may turn out to be a log in our own eye.
Solomon spoke a proverb about how people put on a “face” to appear one way while being another. Proverbs 23:1-8 warns his son about the dangers in politics and dealing with those who want to butter you up and be your “friend”. He says that all we can see is the outside “face”, but “As he thinks in his heart, so is he” (v.7), i.e. he may very well be plotting your downfall, so be on guard. Or as Solomon aptly said, “Put a knife to your throat” and be careful whom you call a friend. In the same way, people are typically good at hiding their true nature from others, and even from themselves. Hypocrisy is probably a lot more commonplace than we would like to admit.
Hypocrisy is a root of destruction. We all have an ugly side, but the difference is in what we do with it. Many people will be shocked and surprised on Judgment Day when they are blocked out of the presence of God. They always assumed they would go to Heaven and walk the streets of gold. “But Lord!!!” The horror at realizing what could have been, and knowing that it will never be theirs, only eternal suffering and torment instead – will bring about much wailing, mournful cries, and gritting of teeth.
*Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
*Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
*By your words you will be acquitted, by your words you will be condemned.
*Men will give an account for every careless word they have spoken.
*Whatever you did to the least of these, you did to Me.
*Whatever you didn’t do for the least of these, you didn’t do for Me.
*This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved the darkness rather than the light, because their deeds were evil.
So then, what can I conclude? Jesus led the way to the cross that I must bear today. I must die so He can give me life. The only answer is to become a new creation. It is written, “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” Who will nail me up? It sounds so simple, but it seems to be difficult to actually attain. “Do not be deceived; He who does what is right is righteous, even as He is righteous.” 1 John 3:1-10 deals with how John expects a Christian to behave. He expects us to behave like Jesus, and expects that we have seen Him and know Him. He speaks of us being “now” the children of God, and that when He appears we shall be like Him. Some have concluded that we don’t have to do anything, that Jesus did it all. As far as the act of bringing salvation, that is true. But now that we are “in the Vine”, we are expected to remain in the Vine and to bear fruit, lest we be cut off and thrown into the fire.
Then I look at my own life and see the filth of my own mind, the rage, malice, lust, envy, and pride that pollute me. I know what I ought to be, but see instead the grossness of the world. The Apostle Paul said something similar, pitting the fleshly desires against the mind that aggress with God, but also concluded that Jesus will rescue him from “this body of death”. Does this mean that only at death are we freed? The very next verse (Romans 8:1) states that “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” What the statutes of the Law could not accomplish, since they were weakened by sinful flesh, God accomplished by fulfilling the requirements of the Law in the death of Christ. But then he goes on to say that it is those who are indwelt by the Holy Spirit are led by Him and have their minds controlled by Him, not by the flesh. This is the key. The Holy Spirit dwelling inside me is the only way of freedom. This is made possible through the death of Jesus and His resurrection. Romans 8:12-17 goes on to say that living according to the flesh brings death, but living by the Spirit brings life.
I want to be filled with God, immersed (baptized) in God, saturated with God, and possessed by God. When we are one, then I’m ok. I don’t know how to get there from here, except to ask.
Recap of simple decisions that led to destruction
Eve: Fruit looked good to eat, chomp.
Cain: Abel really bugged him, whack.
Esau: Hungry!!! Gave his birthright away for stew.
Aaron’s sons: Approached God’s presence unauthorized. Fire consumed them.
Reuben: Passion for the moment. Lost sonship and inheritance.
Uzzah: Touched the ark of God. Struck down.
Lot’s wife: Just one more look… Salt.
Achan: Just a bit of silver and cloth. Slaughter.
Judas: Jesus won’t be arrested, He always gets away. Suicide and damnation.
Ananias: Just a little white lie. Dead.
Sapphira: Yeah, just a little white lie. Dead.
When the tower of Siloam fell on some people, Jesus said that they were not any worse sinners than the rest of the people, but that the rest who are alive need to repent or they will likewise perish (suddenly and without recourse).
The same held true for those who were in “church” offering sacrifices, and Pilate ordered them slaughtered. Jesus said that they were not worse sinners than anyone else, but that their deaths should serve as a warning to us to repent.
I’m becoming increasingly convinced that people who spend intimate time with Jesus are more aware of the real “fruit” in other people’s lives. The fruit that Jesus spoke of is something that happens by being close to him and abiding in him. He was very black & white about this fruit also: “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.” Thus, it must be more than the outward face that we put on, because even cult members can do good things and be moral people. This fruit must be spiritual, and is spiritually discerned. God can reveal a person’s secrets to someone who is intimate with Jesus. So we ought not to think that our hypocrisy will go unnoticed. (However, I have seen people make it up before also, wanting to look to others like a prophet. These people are even worse hypocrites. When God reveals something hidden like this to one of his children, it is for the other person’s restoration and isn’t something that should typically be broadcast to the church.) God is merciful, but there comes a day when he will judge the world according to His own righteousness. The only way of escape is to already be in Him. Like Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, "Go and sin no more."
Part 1
Most of those who sin don’t start out with the notion “I think I will disobey God today.” It starts more subtly, usually with a desire. The more grievous sins that get put on the evening news started out the same way. A thought, an image, a desire that passes through the mind and catches a certain fancy. Unseen creatures that have been watching us since the beginning know what pushes our buttons. “If not this concept, then how about this one? Ahhh, there we go.” For example, a few years ago a guy raped and murdered the little girl next door to him. More than likely he didn’t start out his life with the goal of doing that. One day he got thrilled by the idea of underage sex. Then he thought about it again. And again. Then he pursued images. Then he wanted the “real thing”. Why did he do it? Because he wanted to. He didn’t start out that way, because it would have been unthinkable. But little by little, he grew to really like the idea. Every time he gave in to the fantasies, he was pushed and manipulated a little bit more by unseen enemies. Did he know it was wrong? Of course he knew it was wrong. But by then he had imagined it so many times, he probably thought she would like it as much in reality as she did in his fantasy. However, it probably didn’t turn out at all like his fantasies, and then he had to deal with the reality of what he had done. He tried to hide it by killing her and dumping her. But you can’t hide. People who love her are looking for you. You aren’t good enough to hide your tracks. (He was eventually caught).
I’ve encountered two men in the past ten years who have done things they knew were wrong, but both of whom said to me “You don’t think I’d do that, do you?” One was accused of being overly attracted to little children, and was soon convicted of molestation. The other man was just accused of going through his roommate’s belongings. Then one day I found him going through my belongings. Both wanted to keep the public face of being righteous, but both harbored motivations that were invisible until they played themselves out.
Road rage. Why on earth would someone react so strongly to being cut off in traffic that they’d run someone off the road, and then pull the driver out of the car and beat him or her senseless? Some sort of unwritten rules were violated, rules that exist only in the mind of the drivers. Pride demands that the rules be enforced to the point of death. “After all, everyone knows you shouldn’t ____.” “Everyone knows you ought to ____.” “Didn’t mean to kill him. Just sorta happened. Can’t I just put another quarter in and play again? I’m not a murderer! He deserved… Why wouldn’t he go faster?” When the unwritten rules are pronounced out loud, they seem to lose their urgency and importance. What is right (driving safely) became a shadow, and the fantasy of the unwritten rules became extremely important. The result is death.
When Judas betrayed Jesus, he probably thought, “He gets out of every sticky situation. I bet I could make some money off this talent of his.” He thought it was nothing big, certainly he didn’t think he was actually betraying the Son of God to death. He hung around to see what happened. When he saw Jesus bloodied and handcuffed, the unseen enemies removed the blinders and condemnation replaced his greed. He threw the money back to the priests, but he couldn’t undo what he had done. “It was just a simple setup. I only wanted some pocket change. I didn’t mean any harm. Oh God.” He killed himself. Jesus said it would have been better if Judas had never been born. Think about that. He never raped and murdered, but his “little” sin produced a fruit that killed the beloved of God and brought him a condemnation unlike any other.
It always starts as a desire. Maybe an image. Then a scheme. Yeah….
The root is unbelief. Or perhaps belief that there isn’t “really” anything going to happen eternally because of this. There are a couple of stories from the Bible that show how important a one-time thing can be. A man named Achan took a robe, some silver and some gold in a battle (Joshua 7). Normally, in battle this is ok, but this battle belonged to God and He said to take nothing. So taking these items was defying God, and he knew it, but he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The first verse in that chapter blames all the Israelites and God’s anger is poured out on all of them because of the one man’s sin. It seemed like a small thing, and physically speaking it was a small thing. Nobody was hurt directly by what he did, and to our eyes it is an insignificant thing. But God saw it and everyone suffered. Eventually this man and his family died for this transgression.
Another account is how Reuben, one of the sons of Israel, was attracted to his father’s concubine and slept with her (Genesis 35:22). It apparently only happened once, but Israel heard about it. He didn’t do anything to Reuben at the time, and Reuben never humbled himself to Israel to ask forgiveness. But years later, when it came time for Israel to bless his children, he told Reuben that he will “excel no more, for you went up onto your father's bed, onto my couch and defiled it.” (Genesis 49:3-4). He lost his rights as firstborn of Israel and lost the right to be in the genealogical record. (1 Chron. 5:1-3) In a very real sense, he was vaporized.
Then there is Esau, who sold his birthright for a bowl of stew. He later wanted it back and repented with tears, but the blessing was lost forever. He traded what was good for something else that felt good at the moment; a simple decision that didn’t seem like anything at the time.
Lot’s wife looked back once and died instantly. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but she stands as an example of holding onto our past as a treasure, instead of leaving it behind. One look back can destroy us. The curiosity may have been overwhelming, but the command was very simple: Don’t look back.
Annanias lied to the Holy Spirit and died on the spot. His wife soon followed him. It seemed like it would be ok to save some money, and to get a little glory by presenting it as the whole price and laying it at the feet of the apostles. But that wasn’t how God saw it, and it cost him and his wife everything.
The two sons of Aaron were killed by God for offering “strange fire”, i.e. approaching God in a way he had not approved. It seems drastic to us, but it demonstrates that God is holy and we can’t do whatever we want to in His presence.
In 1 Chronicles 13:8-10, the ark of God is being brought back to Jerusalem, but not in the manner God had prescribed. When the ark faltered on the cart carrying it, Uzzah reached out to steady it and was killed by God instantly. One simple act in the midst of a celebration of God’s victory.
These sins seem small to us, but there is no repentance once judgment has been given. And the judgment seems so drastic. But God is God, and His thoughts are not like ours and His ways are not like ours. What we esteem, He despises. What we despise, He esteems. He is right, and we are wrong. We see the tip of the iceberg and it looks like nothing to us. God sees the evil under the surface and calls it the devil. For example:
Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Matthew 16:23
“Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit...?” Acts 5:3
“When Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him.” John 13:27
Peter just thought he was being nice to Jesus when he told him not to talk about dying.
Ananias thought he was just telling a “white lie”; nobody will be hurt by it and no big deal.
Judas didn’t even realize that he was infested by the Prince of Darkness himself. Judas was an apostle of Jesus Christ the Son of God, chosen by Him to bring the good news to the world.
What do I really like? What is it that I love that God hates? What is it that I hate that God loves? Have I swept a room and kept it clean for the devil, or have I invited Jesus into every aspect of my life? I have to ask God to show me. I can’t assume, since mankind doesn’t think like He thinks. I might really like something that God hates, and it could do serious spiritual harm. Conversely, if I suddenly decide that something is wrong, I can end up doing damage to myself and to others by just hacking away at my life thinking I am going to please Him, when all the while it is fine. Just because something seems nice doesn’t make it the devil anymore than it makes it from God. Ask Him. Seek Him. If you know it is wrong, stop it.
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Part 2
Roots of sin/Denial
Temptation seems to be a manipulation of the desires and emotions. Things that would consciously seem horrible or wrong are transformed into something desirable. Even while knowing that the “thing” is bad, the person is made to feel that it is interesting, fun, right, good, and pleasurable. If you don’t feel it, it doesn’t seem real. What is truly good is made to seem pallid and uninteresting when compared with sin. Good is then more easily ignored, as if it were not even there. The imagination is given priority as though it were real. So reality is inverted when temptation is at its peak. Bad seems good, good is pushed aside. Usually, good can still be felt, but the temptation is playing off of a desire for something that we like and that makes it hard to turn away. All sin is done because the person wanted to do it. No one is forced into sin.
In the movie “Psycho”, the character Norman was horrified by the brutal slayings, but was also the one doing it. He walled it off in his mind and became a sort of Jekyll/Hyde. Most of the time he seemed fine, but under the right circumstances he became someone else. I have seen trial footage of various criminals who deny any involvement with the crime, even when videotaped committing it. I saw a woman who was convicted of child abuse after she was videotaped smacking around a little toddler. She was the boy’s babysitter. After viewing the tape at the trial, she looked at the parents and said, “I want you to know that I would never hit your child.” This kind of denial is astounding to me, but is played out in everyone to some extent. We just don’t want to believe that we could be evil, and we certainly don’t want to be punished for it. Another tape showed a man convicted of date rape of at least a dozen women. He would use a drug in their drink, take them home and abuse them. After his conviction he told the women “You are all wicked. I would never rape anyone, the very idea disgusts me.” Yet the evidence was overwhelming that he was guilty. The strange part is that he was a very popular guy and could have had “legitimate” relations with as many as he wanted. But something about the drug made things more interesting to him. He had no real reason to do this outside of fulfilling a fantasy. It was more thrilling to have something forbidden.
The Bible makes it clear that “No temptation has come upon you but what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” From this I can derive that what tempts me is also being used against most other men, and vice versa. The difference is in what we do with it. But I think it is always true that the more a man contemplates and enjoys a fantasy, the more willing he is to act on it, be that lust, murder, road rage, etc.
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Part 3
Obvious and Hidden Sin
Some people have pointed out that a preacher friend of mine has some flaws and sins that they don’t care for, and that he should repent of. I’ve been thinking about how I should respond, if I respond at all. I’m not his defender or middleman, and I am not here to excuse sin. I’ve witnessed the same things they’ve mentioned, so I know that he has a sinful nature to deal with like the rest of us. However, every person I know has an ugly sinful side that most people don’t get to see. A tapestry or needlepoint looks great on one side, but the other side that is hidden from view is a mess. Most great preachers and teachers that people honor and hold in high regard, still have to deal with their own sinfulness, and like most people they turn a blind eye to a lot of it or justify it in some way.
Conversely, my friend spends a lot of time in spiritual disciplines that we all should be doing and are not. He has spent the last quarter century ministering in a place that most of us wouldn’t consider going to, even for a visit. He once said, “Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re going to get into the water [of a raging river] with me.” Jesus spoke an analogy regarding this when he said “Why do you try to remove the speck from your brother’s eye when you have a log in your own? First remove the log, then you will be able to see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” The problem is that most of us are not aware of the log, nor do we see any reason to remove it. Some are even proud of their logs. The sin of some people is obvious, while other people keep theirs concealed pretty well. It is easy to sit back and pick out flaws, and allow the flaws to eclipse the good being done. It is easy to ridicule some one else’s work, while not working ourselves. Something that we consider a huge shocking deal may turn out to be a speck in his eye, while our willingness to condemn and take life easy may turn out to be a log in our own eye.
Solomon spoke a proverb about how people put on a “face” to appear one way while being another. Proverbs 23:1-8 warns his son about the dangers in politics and dealing with those who want to butter you up and be your “friend”. He says that all we can see is the outside “face”, but “As he thinks in his heart, so is he” (v.7), i.e. he may very well be plotting your downfall, so be on guard. Or as Solomon aptly said, “Put a knife to your throat” and be careful whom you call a friend. In the same way, people are typically good at hiding their true nature from others, and even from themselves. Hypocrisy is probably a lot more commonplace than we would like to admit.
Hypocrisy is a root of destruction. We all have an ugly side, but the difference is in what we do with it. Many people will be shocked and surprised on Judgment Day when they are blocked out of the presence of God. They always assumed they would go to Heaven and walk the streets of gold. “But Lord!!!” The horror at realizing what could have been, and knowing that it will never be theirs, only eternal suffering and torment instead – will bring about much wailing, mournful cries, and gritting of teeth.
*Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
*Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
*By your words you will be acquitted, by your words you will be condemned.
*Men will give an account for every careless word they have spoken.
*Whatever you did to the least of these, you did to Me.
*Whatever you didn’t do for the least of these, you didn’t do for Me.
*This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved the darkness rather than the light, because their deeds were evil.
So then, what can I conclude? Jesus led the way to the cross that I must bear today. I must die so He can give me life. The only answer is to become a new creation. It is written, “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” Who will nail me up? It sounds so simple, but it seems to be difficult to actually attain. “Do not be deceived; He who does what is right is righteous, even as He is righteous.” 1 John 3:1-10 deals with how John expects a Christian to behave. He expects us to behave like Jesus, and expects that we have seen Him and know Him. He speaks of us being “now” the children of God, and that when He appears we shall be like Him. Some have concluded that we don’t have to do anything, that Jesus did it all. As far as the act of bringing salvation, that is true. But now that we are “in the Vine”, we are expected to remain in the Vine and to bear fruit, lest we be cut off and thrown into the fire.
Then I look at my own life and see the filth of my own mind, the rage, malice, lust, envy, and pride that pollute me. I know what I ought to be, but see instead the grossness of the world. The Apostle Paul said something similar, pitting the fleshly desires against the mind that aggress with God, but also concluded that Jesus will rescue him from “this body of death”. Does this mean that only at death are we freed? The very next verse (Romans 8:1) states that “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” What the statutes of the Law could not accomplish, since they were weakened by sinful flesh, God accomplished by fulfilling the requirements of the Law in the death of Christ. But then he goes on to say that it is those who are indwelt by the Holy Spirit are led by Him and have their minds controlled by Him, not by the flesh. This is the key. The Holy Spirit dwelling inside me is the only way of freedom. This is made possible through the death of Jesus and His resurrection. Romans 8:12-17 goes on to say that living according to the flesh brings death, but living by the Spirit brings life.
I want to be filled with God, immersed (baptized) in God, saturated with God, and possessed by God. When we are one, then I’m ok. I don’t know how to get there from here, except to ask.
Recap of simple decisions that led to destruction
Eve: Fruit looked good to eat, chomp.
Cain: Abel really bugged him, whack.
Esau: Hungry!!! Gave his birthright away for stew.
Aaron’s sons: Approached God’s presence unauthorized. Fire consumed them.
Reuben: Passion for the moment. Lost sonship and inheritance.
Uzzah: Touched the ark of God. Struck down.
Lot’s wife: Just one more look… Salt.
Achan: Just a bit of silver and cloth. Slaughter.
Judas: Jesus won’t be arrested, He always gets away. Suicide and damnation.
Ananias: Just a little white lie. Dead.
Sapphira: Yeah, just a little white lie. Dead.
When the tower of Siloam fell on some people, Jesus said that they were not any worse sinners than the rest of the people, but that the rest who are alive need to repent or they will likewise perish (suddenly and without recourse).
The same held true for those who were in “church” offering sacrifices, and Pilate ordered them slaughtered. Jesus said that they were not worse sinners than anyone else, but that their deaths should serve as a warning to us to repent.
I’m becoming increasingly convinced that people who spend intimate time with Jesus are more aware of the real “fruit” in other people’s lives. The fruit that Jesus spoke of is something that happens by being close to him and abiding in him. He was very black & white about this fruit also: “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.” Thus, it must be more than the outward face that we put on, because even cult members can do good things and be moral people. This fruit must be spiritual, and is spiritually discerned. God can reveal a person’s secrets to someone who is intimate with Jesus. So we ought not to think that our hypocrisy will go unnoticed. (However, I have seen people make it up before also, wanting to look to others like a prophet. These people are even worse hypocrites. When God reveals something hidden like this to one of his children, it is for the other person’s restoration and isn’t something that should typically be broadcast to the church.) God is merciful, but there comes a day when he will judge the world according to His own righteousness. The only way of escape is to already be in Him. Like Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, "Go and sin no more."
howtobeamissionary.com
here's a really good perspective article I just read "It was October of 2005.
But to really start, it was about a year before that. Sometime in the fall of 2004 the Lord made a drastic change in my walk and understanding of Him. I had only been saved for about 3 years (Feb. 2001) and I was raised (in Christ) in the Word Of Faith doctrine. I knew about faith, but I think it was a little presumptuous. It was that fall when I stepped into a used bookstore and bought the book “Surprised By The Spirit” By Jack Deere, for $ .25. The book changed my life. I saw a genuine faith and a genuine demonstration of the Kingdom of God. This book really started it all for me. After I read it I began to seek after the true power and anointing that Jesus has to offer.
Through a series of other books and teachings and the leading of the Lord I decided to go after God with fasting. I thought after my first 3 day fast that the Lord was going to fall and I would hear the mighty rushing wind, see the fire fall from heaven and that Jesus would personally come a visit me and tell me how mighty I was. Well, needless to say I was a little dissapointed. Instead the first thing He taught me was how to be a good husband. He taught me how to love my wife like Christ loved the church. And instead of it being a face to face meeting that would last a few minutes, it was 4 month process of personal bible study and marriage counseling (http://www.billhaynesministries.com). Go figure.
I now understand why He did this. My wife and I were on two different wavelengths when it came to our service to the Lord. Not one better than the other, just different. Now I know that the Lord wants the marriage relationship in unity first. Because without agreement in the marriage anything you try will not work and will actually work against you instead of for you. For men especially, you must learn to love your wives the way Christ loved the church before you expect to take the world for God. Your wife will be your anchor and if there is contention between you, her, and God, you are in for trouble. So FIX YOUR MARRIAGE!!! But more on that later.
So, Jesus fixed our marriage and the change was dramatic. My wife became my favorite person to talk about the things of God with. Before it was impossible for either of us to relate to each other, but God leveled us out. Around this same time Katrina hit the coast. I remember it was on a trip to Oklahoma City, we talked the entire way about the tragedy of all the people that were being washed away and everything they had owned go right down with them.
We realized that these people have worked their entire adult life, probably 50-60 hours a week trying to maintain their homes, cars, and toys. And after a little water and a few hours it was gone, everything. We began to think about all the time wasted in storing up security and comfort in things so fragile. I think we all realized that we may all be in shock one day when the rug will be pulled out from underneath us. The foundation we are standing on here in America is very sandy and weak. Jesus has been telling us for about 2000 years that the waves would come crashing in…we just choose not to listen.
So that was a pretty loud wake up call. We started to question what we were living and working for, was it really worth it, and most of all, was it acceptable to Jesus and according to His call?
A few weeks later Joeleen (my wife) learned that a neighbor of her sister was in a car wreck on the highway. As she got out to check on her 3 kids in the back of the van, an oncoming car hit her and she was killed instantly. This really had an affect on Joeleen. For days she would cry about it, wondering why it had affected her so much. We began to ask ourselves questions. If that mom would’ve known she was going to die a week before, how would she have lived her life differently? Would she go to work, or would she quit her job? Would she do the same mundane things, or would she take every second and make it count? Knowing her end was near. Well, what about if she knew a month ahead, what about 6 months, even a year, how would she live her life? Would she and her husband keep their 50 hour a week jobs? Why did they even need to work that much? Oh yeah, it was because of the house they lived in, and the cars they drove, and the toys they wanted. Where those things all worth it? Would they probably cut their lifestyle down to nothing to require the absolute minimum income requirements so they could do what was most important in their last days with each other? Sell the house and get an apartment? Work at a grocery store instead of a high-end corporate job?
These were honest questions that unfortunately this family didn’t get to ask themselves. It was already to late for them. What about us? What about our family? What about our lives and how we wanted live? What about what Jesus would say on the day of our showing? Surely He wouldn’t be impressed with our ability to obtain wealth at the expense of being to distracted to love our family, live according to His will.
That question got me the most. What would Jesus have to say? Because that’s what really counts…when it’s all said and done, Jesus holds everything in His hands.
During this same time the Lord had me assimilating the gospels. I chose a number and I would read each gospel that many times, over and over, straight through, no studying, just getting them inside of me. As all this was happening at once, I saw Luke 14:25-35 and that was all it took. I knew what was required…everything is required.
Come on now people. Let’s get realistic here. What are we living for here in America? Bigger houses, newer, prettier cars, more financial security? What is it really? And how secure is it really? Look at Katrina. Nothing but some water to ruin a life in no time. Why is it that we always think and say, “Money isn’t everything.”, and “Money can’t buy happiness”, but we don’t really mean that. If we did we wouldn’t live so enslaved to it. Remember what Jesus said, “You can’t serve God and money at the same time.” Let’s begin the process of dying to this world system and enter into the Kingdom of God according to His standards.
But to really start, it was about a year before that. Sometime in the fall of 2004 the Lord made a drastic change in my walk and understanding of Him. I had only been saved for about 3 years (Feb. 2001) and I was raised (in Christ) in the Word Of Faith doctrine. I knew about faith, but I think it was a little presumptuous. It was that fall when I stepped into a used bookstore and bought the book “Surprised By The Spirit” By Jack Deere, for $ .25. The book changed my life. I saw a genuine faith and a genuine demonstration of the Kingdom of God. This book really started it all for me. After I read it I began to seek after the true power and anointing that Jesus has to offer.
Through a series of other books and teachings and the leading of the Lord I decided to go after God with fasting. I thought after my first 3 day fast that the Lord was going to fall and I would hear the mighty rushing wind, see the fire fall from heaven and that Jesus would personally come a visit me and tell me how mighty I was. Well, needless to say I was a little dissapointed. Instead the first thing He taught me was how to be a good husband. He taught me how to love my wife like Christ loved the church. And instead of it being a face to face meeting that would last a few minutes, it was 4 month process of personal bible study and marriage counseling (http://www.billhaynesministries.com). Go figure.
I now understand why He did this. My wife and I were on two different wavelengths when it came to our service to the Lord. Not one better than the other, just different. Now I know that the Lord wants the marriage relationship in unity first. Because without agreement in the marriage anything you try will not work and will actually work against you instead of for you. For men especially, you must learn to love your wives the way Christ loved the church before you expect to take the world for God. Your wife will be your anchor and if there is contention between you, her, and God, you are in for trouble. So FIX YOUR MARRIAGE!!! But more on that later.
So, Jesus fixed our marriage and the change was dramatic. My wife became my favorite person to talk about the things of God with. Before it was impossible for either of us to relate to each other, but God leveled us out. Around this same time Katrina hit the coast. I remember it was on a trip to Oklahoma City, we talked the entire way about the tragedy of all the people that were being washed away and everything they had owned go right down with them.
We realized that these people have worked their entire adult life, probably 50-60 hours a week trying to maintain their homes, cars, and toys. And after a little water and a few hours it was gone, everything. We began to think about all the time wasted in storing up security and comfort in things so fragile. I think we all realized that we may all be in shock one day when the rug will be pulled out from underneath us. The foundation we are standing on here in America is very sandy and weak. Jesus has been telling us for about 2000 years that the waves would come crashing in…we just choose not to listen.
So that was a pretty loud wake up call. We started to question what we were living and working for, was it really worth it, and most of all, was it acceptable to Jesus and according to His call?
A few weeks later Joeleen (my wife) learned that a neighbor of her sister was in a car wreck on the highway. As she got out to check on her 3 kids in the back of the van, an oncoming car hit her and she was killed instantly. This really had an affect on Joeleen. For days she would cry about it, wondering why it had affected her so much. We began to ask ourselves questions. If that mom would’ve known she was going to die a week before, how would she have lived her life differently? Would she go to work, or would she quit her job? Would she do the same mundane things, or would she take every second and make it count? Knowing her end was near. Well, what about if she knew a month ahead, what about 6 months, even a year, how would she live her life? Would she and her husband keep their 50 hour a week jobs? Why did they even need to work that much? Oh yeah, it was because of the house they lived in, and the cars they drove, and the toys they wanted. Where those things all worth it? Would they probably cut their lifestyle down to nothing to require the absolute minimum income requirements so they could do what was most important in their last days with each other? Sell the house and get an apartment? Work at a grocery store instead of a high-end corporate job?
These were honest questions that unfortunately this family didn’t get to ask themselves. It was already to late for them. What about us? What about our family? What about our lives and how we wanted live? What about what Jesus would say on the day of our showing? Surely He wouldn’t be impressed with our ability to obtain wealth at the expense of being to distracted to love our family, live according to His will.
That question got me the most. What would Jesus have to say? Because that’s what really counts…when it’s all said and done, Jesus holds everything in His hands.
During this same time the Lord had me assimilating the gospels. I chose a number and I would read each gospel that many times, over and over, straight through, no studying, just getting them inside of me. As all this was happening at once, I saw Luke 14:25-35 and that was all it took. I knew what was required…everything is required.
Come on now people. Let’s get realistic here. What are we living for here in America? Bigger houses, newer, prettier cars, more financial security? What is it really? And how secure is it really? Look at Katrina. Nothing but some water to ruin a life in no time. Why is it that we always think and say, “Money isn’t everything.”, and “Money can’t buy happiness”, but we don’t really mean that. If we did we wouldn’t live so enslaved to it. Remember what Jesus said, “You can’t serve God and money at the same time.” Let’s begin the process of dying to this world system and enter into the Kingdom of God according to His standards.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
A tale of Selfishness
Here is a good collection of words "It is 2AM. I was sleeping soundly till something woke me up. I thought it was a loud noise, but when I awoke and got up to see what I had heard, I couldn't find anything.
I went back to bed and began to think about a friend of mine. My heart was burdened for him so I began to pray.
I began to just let myself go in praying for him and I was just letting all that I could see in the spirit gush forth.
My heart has been deeply grieved and burdened over this man for a long time. I guess I really began to realize it about 3 years ago. We met in 2002 at a conference and we've been friends ever since. Since I've known him, I've had periodic bouts of being angry with him, yet not being able to put my finger on exactly what I was angry about.
This morning, I think I was really able to tap into the "thing" behind my anger and to earnestly pray for him.
As I let myself go in prayer, I could see that it is his selfishness and self-centeredness that makes me angry. I can see that I have longed for this man's approval. That I have wanted to be someone on his "friend list". I set out a long time ago to be his friend. This guy is alone. He's been married 3 times and now he is alone again. He's a great guy, but he's really lonely and I feel sorry for him. I saw that he was lonely and had no one to hold him accountable and I wanted to show him that I really cared and that I love him. My husband, too, was overcome with a deep love for this man. So...as a family, we have reached out to him and tried to really care for him and be his friends. We let him into our inner circle, often having him over for dinner and including him in our gatherings at holidays.
I suppose I can see his sin so easily because I have harbored the same spirit myself. I have befriended people for my own reasons, for what I could get out of it. I have justified myself by being "nice" and for doing the "christian thing". I totally recognize it!
So...I just got up and wrote down everything I saw as I began to pray...
The Lord showed me a vision of this man standing next to a large plowed field with a desire to reap a harvest from this huge field. And I could see this man going to one corner of this field and planting one seed right in the corner. And I saw that the rest of the field remained barren and that this man is disappointed by that barreness and he is lonely and sad and disappointed and angry because the field remains barren.
From that image, I could see that this man is selfish and unwilling to do that which God requires in order to reap a harvest. He wants to be loved and respected and to have his gifts and talents acknowledged and everything he does is toward that end. He loves others and gives to others in order to get. He maintains a mental list of indebtedness in his mind of what should be coming to him.
This man is a spiritual tightwad! He won't let go of what he's got. He hangs onto it for dear life out of fear of losing it. He is willing to go plant one small seed in the corner of the field, but he isn't willing to sell all that he has and give it away to follow Christ. This man won't let go of his self-preservation and cast aside all caution to plant that entire field. He has sacks and sacks of seeds, but he is afraid to sow them. He just keeps sowing them one at a time and he never reaps much of a harvest.
As I prayed, I stood in the gap for this man because I know he doesn't have a clue as to why his field remains barren, but I can see his sin.
And I realize that it is my own sin, as well. I repented for this man and myself. I repented of my selfishness and for manipulating others for my own purposes. I repented of seeking friendships for what I can get out of it and for only giving to the point of what I felt was safe without it costing me too much, because my motives were always, really, just about me.
I could see that my sin has caused me to just have to put on a front and to hide from God and become, just religious, because I refused to be real. So I've gone on in a charade, like King Saul in Chapter 15 of I Samuel. When Samuel came to Saul and told him that God was "wrenching" the throne and the kingdom from his hands, he wanted Samuel to go with him before the people one last time and put on a show that everything was alright. He was still looking for a way to continue his charade. He didn't see that it was his refusal to let go of his life and follow God unreservedly that had cost him the kingdom.
This is my friend's problem. And mine. Isn't it really true of so many of us? We're holding onto our lives with white knuckles while looking out over the barreness and longing to see "amber fields of grain". We feel cheated, and yet, we continue our charade. We continue to go out and sow one token seed in the corner. Oh, my God! Help us!
There is something that God wants from us and it is everything! He wants us to take all our hopes and our dreams and our desire to be loved and respected and valued for who we are. He wants us to take our desire to be cherished and appreciated and loved in spite of our faults. He wants us to take our desires to have someone "wait" upon us and to linger with us long enough to see the real value of who we are and what we have to offer. He wants us to take all of those sacks full of what we want to reap from others and he wants us to give them away...to sow them into the lives of other people...and to be willing, even to just abandon our own desire for a harvest in our own field and to come and work in his fields, like Ruth. He wants us to give up our life for his sake and he promises to take care of us.
The thing that we have to sow in the Kingdom of God in order to reap a harvest is our life. We must give up our life, not in pretense, but in reality, and we must do it for the love of God alone, without expecting anything in return except peace with God. So we can say, like Job, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord."
I went back to bed and began to think about a friend of mine. My heart was burdened for him so I began to pray.
I began to just let myself go in praying for him and I was just letting all that I could see in the spirit gush forth.
My heart has been deeply grieved and burdened over this man for a long time. I guess I really began to realize it about 3 years ago. We met in 2002 at a conference and we've been friends ever since. Since I've known him, I've had periodic bouts of being angry with him, yet not being able to put my finger on exactly what I was angry about.
This morning, I think I was really able to tap into the "thing" behind my anger and to earnestly pray for him.
As I let myself go in prayer, I could see that it is his selfishness and self-centeredness that makes me angry. I can see that I have longed for this man's approval. That I have wanted to be someone on his "friend list". I set out a long time ago to be his friend. This guy is alone. He's been married 3 times and now he is alone again. He's a great guy, but he's really lonely and I feel sorry for him. I saw that he was lonely and had no one to hold him accountable and I wanted to show him that I really cared and that I love him. My husband, too, was overcome with a deep love for this man. So...as a family, we have reached out to him and tried to really care for him and be his friends. We let him into our inner circle, often having him over for dinner and including him in our gatherings at holidays.
I suppose I can see his sin so easily because I have harbored the same spirit myself. I have befriended people for my own reasons, for what I could get out of it. I have justified myself by being "nice" and for doing the "christian thing". I totally recognize it!
So...I just got up and wrote down everything I saw as I began to pray...
The Lord showed me a vision of this man standing next to a large plowed field with a desire to reap a harvest from this huge field. And I could see this man going to one corner of this field and planting one seed right in the corner. And I saw that the rest of the field remained barren and that this man is disappointed by that barreness and he is lonely and sad and disappointed and angry because the field remains barren.
From that image, I could see that this man is selfish and unwilling to do that which God requires in order to reap a harvest. He wants to be loved and respected and to have his gifts and talents acknowledged and everything he does is toward that end. He loves others and gives to others in order to get. He maintains a mental list of indebtedness in his mind of what should be coming to him.
This man is a spiritual tightwad! He won't let go of what he's got. He hangs onto it for dear life out of fear of losing it. He is willing to go plant one small seed in the corner of the field, but he isn't willing to sell all that he has and give it away to follow Christ. This man won't let go of his self-preservation and cast aside all caution to plant that entire field. He has sacks and sacks of seeds, but he is afraid to sow them. He just keeps sowing them one at a time and he never reaps much of a harvest.
As I prayed, I stood in the gap for this man because I know he doesn't have a clue as to why his field remains barren, but I can see his sin.
And I realize that it is my own sin, as well. I repented for this man and myself. I repented of my selfishness and for manipulating others for my own purposes. I repented of seeking friendships for what I can get out of it and for only giving to the point of what I felt was safe without it costing me too much, because my motives were always, really, just about me.
I could see that my sin has caused me to just have to put on a front and to hide from God and become, just religious, because I refused to be real. So I've gone on in a charade, like King Saul in Chapter 15 of I Samuel. When Samuel came to Saul and told him that God was "wrenching" the throne and the kingdom from his hands, he wanted Samuel to go with him before the people one last time and put on a show that everything was alright. He was still looking for a way to continue his charade. He didn't see that it was his refusal to let go of his life and follow God unreservedly that had cost him the kingdom.
This is my friend's problem. And mine. Isn't it really true of so many of us? We're holding onto our lives with white knuckles while looking out over the barreness and longing to see "amber fields of grain". We feel cheated, and yet, we continue our charade. We continue to go out and sow one token seed in the corner. Oh, my God! Help us!
There is something that God wants from us and it is everything! He wants us to take all our hopes and our dreams and our desire to be loved and respected and valued for who we are. He wants us to take our desire to be cherished and appreciated and loved in spite of our faults. He wants us to take our desires to have someone "wait" upon us and to linger with us long enough to see the real value of who we are and what we have to offer. He wants us to take all of those sacks full of what we want to reap from others and he wants us to give them away...to sow them into the lives of other people...and to be willing, even to just abandon our own desire for a harvest in our own field and to come and work in his fields, like Ruth. He wants us to give up our life for his sake and he promises to take care of us.
The thing that we have to sow in the Kingdom of God in order to reap a harvest is our life. We must give up our life, not in pretense, but in reality, and we must do it for the love of God alone, without expecting anything in return except peace with God. So we can say, like Job, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord."
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Snowy day
Yesterday I woke up to a lot of snow and by nighttime the roads were really icy. It is such a paradox to North Carolina where it only snowed once and we could play frisbee in shorts and a t-shirt in january and now in april in Saskatchewan it looks like this
Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, that's a picture from my frontyard in November I think, but still there was a lot of snow for April. I got to visit Millar, the bible college that I went to last year. It was really encouraging, to see almost all the people again. Some didn't come back for a second year so I didn't get to see them. One guy in my hall is getting married in July. In one class Curtis, one of my best friend's from Millar got to teach a third of the class and it was so powerful what he taught. It was simple but intense he talked about just as lights need to be plugged in we can do squat without God, we need to continually rely on him. Just as you can't empty a glass of water by pouring it out (air gets in) our lives need to be filled with God and satisfaction in him alone, otherwise if we get one sin out another will come in. He talked about how so often just doing our devotional time and praying and reading God's word is a chore or sometime that "we should probably get around to doing". It can actually become the most satisfying thing in our lives and our hunger and thirst can be for God alone. I don't want to expand on what he said but it was really what I needed at that time. Just a realization that the spirit of God in us longs for us Jealously!! (James 4) All I need is to rest in him, and rely on him continually.
This break so far has been a bit of a rollercoaster trying to find a job for just one month. At one point I had an interview with a guy who ended it with yeah I'll tell you in a few days whether you got the job. And it wasn't until the weekend that my dad phoned around a bit and found out that the guy had quit his job like two days later! Yesterday I worked as a bagel sorter for almost six hours, it was really interesting but hard to stay standing for that long. If you could pray for me in this I would really appreciate it.
The best thing that happened to me recently, was yesterday I had to sit in labour ready for almost two and a half hours. Sometimes the best thing that you can do in your life is nothing. Just sit back and take a look at where your life is headed and at what's really important. At what I really wanted to be doing in the little decisions and the big decisions. I realized all the changes that I need to make and just how important prayer is. I better go now, but God bless you all!
Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, that's a picture from my frontyard in November I think, but still there was a lot of snow for April. I got to visit Millar, the bible college that I went to last year. It was really encouraging, to see almost all the people again. Some didn't come back for a second year so I didn't get to see them. One guy in my hall is getting married in July. In one class Curtis, one of my best friend's from Millar got to teach a third of the class and it was so powerful what he taught. It was simple but intense he talked about just as lights need to be plugged in we can do squat without God, we need to continually rely on him. Just as you can't empty a glass of water by pouring it out (air gets in) our lives need to be filled with God and satisfaction in him alone, otherwise if we get one sin out another will come in. He talked about how so often just doing our devotional time and praying and reading God's word is a chore or sometime that "we should probably get around to doing". It can actually become the most satisfying thing in our lives and our hunger and thirst can be for God alone. I don't want to expand on what he said but it was really what I needed at that time. Just a realization that the spirit of God in us longs for us Jealously!! (James 4) All I need is to rest in him, and rely on him continually.
This break so far has been a bit of a rollercoaster trying to find a job for just one month. At one point I had an interview with a guy who ended it with yeah I'll tell you in a few days whether you got the job. And it wasn't until the weekend that my dad phoned around a bit and found out that the guy had quit his job like two days later! Yesterday I worked as a bagel sorter for almost six hours, it was really interesting but hard to stay standing for that long. If you could pray for me in this I would really appreciate it.
The best thing that happened to me recently, was yesterday I had to sit in labour ready for almost two and a half hours. Sometimes the best thing that you can do in your life is nothing. Just sit back and take a look at where your life is headed and at what's really important. At what I really wanted to be doing in the little decisions and the big decisions. I realized all the changes that I need to make and just how important prayer is. I better go now, but God bless you all!
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